It’s not an easy life being a Real Housewife of Orange County. Over in Beverly Hills, you can go weeks without uttering a word, but out in suburbia, dirt is slung in all directions.
That’s why The Real Housewives of Orange County is having such a stellar season. Every single Housewife is contributing, and there’s no singular villain. One week, we hate Gina, the next, she’s a voice of reason. One season, Vicki Gunvalson is a deluded clown, the next, she’s a deluded clown (who’s also making some good points). And when the ladies sit down for a dinner party disaster, everyone gets dinged by the rampant pinball machine of drama.
The episode opens on Heather, who’s still livid at Katie for accusing her of calling the paparazzi. She refers to her as “that Katie person” which, in Heather Dubrow speak, is code for several expletives that would get her banished from Dubai. Her husband Terry comes to Heather’s defense, sort of, by reminding everyone he’s the one obsessed with the cameras.
“I like when paparazzi take pictures of me. I like it. So, if there’s a number that Katie knows of to call to get paparazzi who will take pictures of me, I want this number,” Terry says, teleprompter just off-screen.
I love the Dubrows and their endless state of thinly veiled fantasy. Everything’s fine, all the time! Has anyone seen Serial Mom? It’s a satirical comedy about a mom who’s a serial killer and gets away with it through her refusal to veer from the bit of suburban homemaker, even representing herself in court. Heather could do that. She probably has, already (and had the records expunged).
That’s why Katie’s effort to insist Heather lied is so gauche. Just let the facts speak for themselves. A Real Housewife doesn’t randomly get papped in Disneyland. This is obvious, so toss out that text receipt, Katie. It doesn’t even prove that Heather lied. It just proves that someone texted Katie “yes.”
Heather’s not just pissed at Katie, but Gina too for not letting her know about the gossip. Meanwhile, Gina’s pissed that Katie… approached Heather with the information… even though she told her to? Gina makes no sense in her meeting with Heather and Jenn, shocker, and Jenn rightfully calls that out in her confessional.
The RHOC ladies are so good at clocking each other, even if they lack perception about themselves. Jenn can see that Gina stirred the pot a little carelessly and wants to back away before she gets burnt, but she’s blind to how flaunting her Vegas trip is tone deaf. Heather can see why you should get ahead of rumors, but can’t realize it’s simply easier to just admit the mildly embarrassing truth. Heather loves to dance around things.
“I am not telling you not to be friends with this girl. I mean, I will say she’s showing her character. So you should make your decision on your friendship with her for yourself, but that is something to know,” is such a line. She’s truly a wordsmith.
Next, Emily has dinner with her husband to continue her season’s plot of telling him he will die if he doesn’t get a snatched waist. Then she asks him questions like they’re at a speed dating event. Another snooze, Ms. Simpson. Storyboard an affair or something.
Having been reprogrammed by Heather, Gina meets with the lowest member of the pecking order, Katie. Katie feels that Gina should’ve stayed neutral between her and Heather, but Gina has a different take. She tells Katie she actually should’ve been less on her side.
“I’m not going to support you through your bullshit. I’m just not,” Gina shares in a confessional, wearing hair from the “electrocution” collection.
Katie breaks into tears, and Gina feigns shock. Unfortunately, Katie’s learning the hard way that the work colleague Bravo popped into her lap isn’t a loyal soldier. Heather is Gina’s most valuable ally. She’s not going to throw that away for the new girl.
Fitting this episode’s theme of every scene taking place in a restaurant, Shannon meets with her dad, who looks spiffy as ever. The two discuss John Jannsen’s lawsuit against Shannon, which she says is bogus. Her dad looks her in the eye, one hand firmly clamped on his wine glass, and tells her to fight, God damn it. You’ve got to fight, kid.
Shannon’s acing all the character beats necessary to hit a home run this year, a shocking turnaround for a woman who’s typically impervious to good luck.
Meanwhile, Alexis is eating Crumbl cookies with Tamra and rebranding herself as “Lexi.” Johnny J was a stretch, but Lexi? We have known Alexis for more than 10 years and never once has anyone called her that. The “Happy-Go-Lexi” confessional is legitimately haunting.
The demon blonde and dumb blonde further go in on Shannon, scorching her for borrowing money for a facelift. And sure, it sucks to spend tens of thousands of dollars and then break up, but can you really ask for that back? This situation is painting John as the type to Venmo request you $3.86 when all you ordered was a Sprite. Just take the hit, dude. Or try and write off the facelift as a charitable donation. Shannon looks better than ever!
Finally, the ladies meet for dinner in a private room, perfect for a brawl. Alexis wastes no time in confronting Katie for excluding her from the golf event, although the two put the issue on ice. But Alexis steps on a landmine when Shannon enters the dinner with Vicki in tow, and Alexis snidely remarks that Vicki’s now the guest on Alexis’ show.
Last we saw these two together, Vicki and Alexis were on good terms, having forged an alliance to survive amid the Tamra/Gretchen coalition. Alexis is losing allies left and right, from Vicki to Katie and even Emily, who she was actually friends with before the show. Somehow, she’s less strategically competent than Jackie Goldschneider, which really shouldn’t be possible.
At least she has Tamra, though. There’s no more vicious an attack dog, as exemplified by tonight’s dinner. After Shannon orders a vodka soda, Vicki defends her decision to drink, to which Tamra bluntly replies, “Oh yeah, an alcoholic should drink. Yeah!”
A deadly silence fills the room, broken by Vicki re-upping her support. Shannon grabs the baton and advocates for herself, telling Tamra, “Who made you the judge and jury of what my sentence is? Because let me tell you something, every freaking day that I wake up, I think about what happened.”
“Is that after you have a drink?” Tamra replies, swiftly eviscerating Shannon.
Having lost Tamra, Shannon’s strongest full-time ally comes to her defense… and it’s Gina. Sure, Shannon’s slumming it with the B-team, but Gina actually makes a strong case. If Tamra really is concerned about Shannon’s drinking, berating her isn’t the answer. Gina then gives Vicki the floor, understanding the OG of the OC’s the stronger force. That’s two points for Gina.
Vicki 15.0 thinks drama and fighting is disgusting, a development that must’ve happened sometime in the last two days. Emily guffaws, pointing to Vicki tweeting that The Traitors is the perfect show for Tamra, which Vicki stands by. “She traited,” after all.
Tamra insists she’s a faithful, though. This conversation is such a fun part of the meta nature of modern reality TV. No one can just say, “You’re a bad friend” anymore. Now it’s “You poisoned me with a rusty chalice in a historic Irish mansion, metaphorically.”
But really: Is Tamra a faithful or a traitor? Her approach is destructive and borderline sociopathic, but she’s not wrong to hold Shannon’s feet to the fire. Getting a DUI is not a sympathetic cause, and we’ve witnessed years of Shannon’s unhealthy dependence on drinking. Yet, the single-most reason Shannon has come across so well is that Tamra hits her with rocket missiles at every turn, when she could just wait for Shannon to flub her redemption arc.
Tamra further loses the plot when she wades into the John Jannsen loan. Alexis’ receipts are worthless here, too. Shannon has admitted John paid for the facelift. No one’s litigating that. Vicki’s right: Why is Alexis making this her battle? Why does she blindly trust John’s narrative? Maybe it’s the same reason Vicki blindly trusted Brooks, but I digress.
If only Alexis had learned from the last time she acted as a sycophant to a loser man, but that’s not Jesus Jugs’ nature. There’s something nice in seeing that, as much as things change, the Orange County world stays remarkably the same.
That’s why Vicki’s presence is so necessary here, too. It grounds Tamra, and her villainy is at its best when it’s tethered to reality. Sure, Tamra’s abrasive approach is amplified, but it’s genuine.
Tamra isn’t only attacking Shannon to make good TV, and she’s certainly not doing it to win over the fans. To think that is a fundamental misunderstanding of Tamra’s M.O. Tamra has said that Shannon drinks too much since Season 9, and she clearly believes she needs to call it out. Tamra’s biggest issue is that she fails to realize that branding herself as a blunt truth-teller doesn’t magically exonerate her ruthless behavior. She still has to act like a human being, not a character on the screen, and that’s something Vicki appeals to.
At the end of the day though, why crucify Tamra for going too far? Soon enough, the pendulum will swing back in her favor. It’s the way of Housewives. She may not be the judge and jury, but neither are we. Just enjoy the beauty of ever-evolving drama and women who aren’t too scared to live their authentically imperfect lives on screen.